eurekafag 12.02.2012 10:07 Home

One time, I was at a friend's house, and I had to use their bathroom. His mom was making dinner, and I told him to wait a sec, and could he direct me to his bathroom. So he said Sure, it's right around the corner and to the left. So I said Thanks bro, and I went to use his bathroom. But then I opened the bathroom door to find that they'd just cleaned everything, and their extra-slippery cleaning solution was all over everything. Undaunted, I decided Fuck it, I really need to go, and no soap is gonna stop me. And I really did need to go. Bad. So I sat down on the seat and pushed out a few dinosaur eggs, grunting with exertion. Once my cantankerous shit logs had all but filled the bowl I though I was done. But then I had to puke because of the shit smell so I turned around and started vomiting all over my poop mound. Everything mixed together to form a noxious mixture of fecal vomit, but at least I was done. Wait, there's one more turd, I realized. So I sat down to squeeze him out, only the soap finally claimed me and I slid all the way into the toiled, sinking into my own horrendous ooze. My friend knocked on the door, asking Are you alright in there? I'm fine, I said, but then I farted and the gas rose to the surface of the muck to form a bubble. I sneezed goop everywhere, and the force of my sneeze popped the bubble so shitpuke flew everywhere. Eventually I called for help because I was stuck, and my hardening shit held me fast to the toilet. His mom came in and saw the mess I'd made. She was stirring a two-gallon pot of soup, and she chuckled. She said, I made all this soup, it might as well not go to waste. Want some? I said yeah, and I ate it while stuck in my own shit, and we all laughed and they ate too, and the smell didn't seem to bother them. Several hours later my new shit from the soup came out, and with a strain I began to spew diarrhea all over the place. Luckily my watery poop paste lubricated my asshole, and I was able to free myself from the toilet. Thank you for your hospitality, I said as I walked out of their house trailing diarrhea and shit and vomit and piss all over their floor. They laughed. What a rascal! And that's how I got these scars

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